Law School Conservative

…I wish!

But so says this article from the folks at The Onion.

This might be crossing the line…too bad.

By: Carlos S. Ramirez

Thanks to Michelle Malkin’s blog for the image.

By: Heather L. Schilling

Last night at the White House Correspondent’s Association Dinner, President Bush made a few jokes about the current state of affairs. I must say that although he hasn’t really been anyone’s favorite person in the past months (save those who are still benefiting from his presidency or are otherwise unconscious), he at least can joke about it.

The story from CBS follows here.

My favorite quote has to be in regards to the recent firings of the federal prosecutors:

“I have to admit we really blew the way we let those attorneys go. You know you’ve botched it when people sympathize with lawyers.”

And the runner up:
“Acknowledging Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at the head table, the president said some had wondered how he’d get along with her. ‘Some say she’s bossy, she’s opinionated, she’s not to be crossed,’ he said. ‘Hey, I get along with my mother.’ ”

Although this dinner is focused on humor and President Bush obviously received help on the jokes (thank you Who’s Line is it Anyway?), it’s clear that there’s no reason for President Bush not to be having a good time. He’s almost completed his eight years as president, and the fight to the White House is in full force. I wouldn’t say that he’s become lame duck quite yet, but he’s well on his way.

This could mean one of two things: he does nothing; or he tries to do everything.

I’m interested to see how it will all play out.

By: Carlos S. Ramirez

Yes, this soldier has his fingers crossed. No, this is not photoshopped.

Snopes.com confirmed that this is a sign taught to Army personnel in survival school. It means “under coercion”, for all you 24 fans, its the sign equivalent of “flank two”.

[UPDATE — Mar 28]: Her negatives are going to come back to haunt her. Here is the same information from the pollsters at Harris Interactive.

By: Carlos S. Ramirez

I have to admit, being a Law Student sucks. By the time Friday comes, you have no will to work, much less creativity, which is why there have been no posts today. However, my own lack of originality is no barrier.

I cannot claim credit for this, I got off someone who got it off someone else.

So here they are: 40 reasons to ban guns:

1. Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, Detroit & Chicago cops need guns.

2. Washington DC’s low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis’ high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.

3. Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are “just statistics.”

4. The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates, which have been declining since 1991.

5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.

6. The more helpless you are, the safer you are from criminals.

7. An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.

8. A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

9. When confronted by violent criminals, you should “put up no defense - give them what they want, or run” (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don’t Die - People Do, 1981, p. 125).

10. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns & Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.

11. One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seat belts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for internal medicine, a computer programmer for hard drive problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.

12. The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, refers to the National Guard, which was created 130 years later, in 1917.

13. The National Guard, federally funded, with bases on federal land, using federally-owned weapons, vehicles, buildings and uniforms, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a “state” militia.

14. These phrases: “right of the people peaceably to assemble,” “right of the people to be secure in their homes,” “enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people,” and “The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people” all refer to individuals, but “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” refers to the state.

15. “The Constitution is strong and will never change.” But we should ban and seize all guns thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments to that Constitution.

16. Rifles and handguns aren’t necessary to national defense! Of course, the army has hundreds of thousands of them.

17. Private citizens shouldn’t have handguns, because they aren’t “military weapons'’, but private citizens shouldn’t have “assault rifles'’, because they are military weapons.

18. In spite of waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting, government forms, etc., guns today are too readily available, which is responsible for recent school shootings. In the 1940’s, 1950’s and 1960’s, anyone could buy guns at hardware stores, army surplus stores, gas stations, variety stores, Sears mail order, no waiting, no background check, no fingerprints, no government forms and there were no school shootings.

19. The NRA’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, but the anti-gun lobby’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign is responsible social activity.

20. Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.

21. A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.

22. Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is “an accident waiting to happen” and gun makers’ advertisements aimed at women are “preying on their fears.”

23. Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.

24. Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.

25. A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.

26. Any self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a “weapon of mass destruction” or an “assault weapon.”

27. Most people can’t be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.

28. The right of Internet pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

29. Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self- defense only justifies bare hands.

30. The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.

31. Charlton Heston, a movie actor as president of the NRA is a cheap lunatic who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas, a movie actor as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.

32. Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do “civilians” who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.

33. We should ban “Saturday Night Specials” and other inexpensive guns because it’s not fair that poor people have access to guns too.

34. Police officers have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.

35. Private citizens don’t need a gun for self- protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.

36. Citizens don’t need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.

37. “Assault weapons” have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people. The police need assault weapons. You do not.

38. When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that’s bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that’s good.

39. Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.

40. Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to “keep guns out of the wrong hands.” Guess what? You have the wrong hands.

By: Nathan D. Fox

The genesis of this article dates back to this past Thanksgiving in 2006. One of my most favorite memories of Thanksgiving 2006, aside from eating enough to severely slow down if not kill a bison, was taking multiple bike rides in the 70 degree heat. Yes that’s right, 70 degree heat in Pennsylvania in November. While I was logging the miles my mind began to wander, and the conclusion I am came to was: I love global warming!

First of all, I hate winter. I despise the cold. My joints are war-torn and haggard from years of rugby, basketball, construction, and general moronic activities. And I know there are plenty others out there too who hate the cold for the same reasons. The obvious benefit of global warming is that we get all of the plusses of Florida life, without the general aroma of Ben-Gay, slow traffic, annoying FSU and Gator fans, and no gators in our pools. And yes, there’s more!

Next, all of us in Pennsylvania have been trying to come up with a way to eliminate New Jersey all together. Don’t get me wrong, I love the beach. However, what if we could have the beach, but did not have to drive through New Jersey? Now we’re talking! Anyone who has driven through the “Pine Barrens” knows exactly why this would be an improvement. Also, the mess Jim McGreevy left in Trenton would literally be washed away by the immanent flood when Greenland and the polar ice caps disappear. Isn’t that right Mr. Gore? And plus, all of the toxic waste and trash that makes up the “Garden State” would be buried safely beneath the newly expanded Atlantic Ocean. Lastly, is there really a benefit to having a state where you tell where you’re from by giving an exit number? I didn’t think so.

Now imagine the benefits for Pennsylvania; especially Philadelphia. First of all, Philly would be a beach front city. This would do wonders for the Philadelphia real estate market. It would be instant slum clean-up. Rows, and rows, and rows of crack houses would be bought up, remodeled, refurbished, and sold as “luxury beach front properties.” Best of all, Donald Trump would swoop into Philadelphia with his hair not-blowing heroically in the breeze. There would be an instant need for more casinos and table games. If our Pennsylvania senior citizens cannot take a bus to Atlantic City to squander their Social Security checks and savings, they should have the right to do it right here in Philly! It would be dream come true for many.

And do not worry, I did not forget about the liberals! They win too in this scenario. If New Jersey were to disappear, the Camden aquarium would be securely underwater. Why is this a victory for our friends the liberals? Well, all those poor and hapless creatures in captivity would be returned to their natural habitat. Can’t you just hear “Born Free” playing in your mind? It’s a win for business AND a win for animal rights! Rush Limbaugh and PETA would be proud.

And so ended my bike ride and dream world where global temperatures spike and the polar ice caps melt. As the ride ended and I headed back to reality, I realized that I really wished global warming were true. Seventy degrees in November is pretty nice. However, it could only ever be a wish. The sad part about this story is that while I came back to reality after my ride, many individuals who are members of Al Gore’s Holy Church of Global Warming still remain in fantasy land. However, another day, and in a more serious article is the time and place to discuss that.

Coming next: The Paradox of Politics: Why Conservative Republicans Hate Tort Lawyers & Liberal Democrats Hate The Second Amendment.